Why does the Sun

2010-03-09T20:57:00.003+08:00

FUCK OFF
FUCKING FAT BITCH
STOP EATING LIKE A FUCKING GLUTTON
STOP EATING
PLEASE FUCKING LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING ARMS
YOUR FUCKING TUMMY
YOUR FUCKING FUCK FLABBY BUTTOCKS THEY ARE TOO BIG
YOUR FUCKING BIG FLABBY THIGHS
YOUR FUCKING CALVES MUSCLES

CUT THEM OFF
MAKE THEM BLEED
LOST ALL THOSE BLOOD AND FUCKING OILY OIL IN THEM
FUCK OFF FUCKING BITCH
YOU SHOULD DIE

SHOULD JUST DIE.

2010-03-03T05:25:00.002+08:00

Hey... Don't run away. I am Madeleine... It's still me. Please, look at me. I am Madeleine Phua. I am just having some hip cups now... So please, don't run away...

2010-02-15T01:51:00.003+08:00

Just a tiny update, my life has been of haywire recently. Or me rather. Whatever. In any case, I am still kinda unhappy with myself. Hmm...

It's Chinese New year now! I ate pretty much but I ended up throwing up them in the end so I reckoned there isn't any point claiming that I ate much this year. My throat is fucking painful, by the way.

It's 2:07am while I am typing this. I am tired. It's another day of visiting later on. Not something to be unhappy about though. Oh yeah, yesterday's visiting was totally awesome (excluding the throw up part)! I manged to see and talk to my relatives. I realised I miss Marcus Phua and Xavier Heng the most! Ah... Chinese new year isn't that boring after all. Is it? All the photos taken yesterday were uploaded in my facebook anyway.

Right. My eyes are closing and I have not heard from Mr Leong yet. I will just lie on my bed and listen to whatever music that are in my handphone. Ah, speaking of handphone, I want a new phone. Yes, mummy, I do not need one...

LEINE

Hold on...

2010-02-05T06:04:00.001+08:00

Why don't I recognise myself anymore?

2010-02-04T01:48:00.001+08:00

30th January 2010.

2010-02-01T06:43:00.003+08:00

2009-12-30T09:36:00.011+08:00

It is yet another little anniversary for us. If i say you're the one, would you believe me? If I say I want to spend the rest of my life with you, would you want to? You seem so perfect. You seem so fresh to me. I love you Randall, forever. And yes, I believe in forever. Thank you, for making it happen.

Anyway, 2010 is just a few days away so it's time for me to make my new year's resolution again!

Study hard
Bigger cage for Furie
Try to exercise like once a month (sorry. it's a bit shocking)
Read all the four books by Stephanie Meyer
Try to have dinner over at aunt's everyday (with R)
Not to cut my hair
Restrain from cutting my finernails myself. Let Randall instead
Eat in regular
Bowling with Barry and Randall
Sleep early
L.I with Istina and Tchelle whenever we can
Do not spend too much time on netbook
Buy tanktops that is presentable. lol
Have subway at least twice a week
Not to skip school or pretend that I am sick
Grow taller. This has been in my resoultion for every year!
Drink more plain water
Buy an organiser book

That's pretty all for now. I will add if there's any. Have you make yours yet?

I am catching Alvin and the Chipmunks with my two brothers, Adeline and Jolyn later on! Sadly, Randall can't join us! I bet Terry is excited for it anyway!

And I am looking forward to tomorrow! I will be spending the last day of 2009 with my family, Randall and the twins! How will you guys be spending the last day of 2009? Well, see you guys soon! Mad

2010 is going to be great. Awesome.

2009-12-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

Juice and Milk.

2009-12-20T01:34:00.005+08:00

Forever just seem to.... vanish. Because we became, forever.

2009-12-20T01:26:00.001+08:00

It will always be you.

2009-12-19T11:08:00.004+08:00

So Madeleine got a sixteen for her N-level. Hmm... I am not disappointed. I know I wouldn't do well. I did not really study hard for it though. Jeez. I am fine with it. I have to work harder next year. It is my last chance.

I went for Sakae sushi with tian and the twins after getting our results yesterday. Before I went to tian's house after that, tian and I went to the fish shop. I love it when I am just there, standing by his side while he is busy looking at all the fishes. I love it when I am there with him, doing the things he loves.

Tian came over about night time and we had cakes. They were sweet. Darling is sweet. But sadly enough, he is sick today! He text my mom at about dawn. I bet he was feeling real awful at that point of time, when I was still sleeping away peacefully...

I am going to vacuum my house soon. Be back soon.

Tian, when I promise you I wouldn't have xas, I won't. I Love You.

We can still touch the sky.

2009-12-15T06:32:00.005+08:00

Yes, I am acting dumb again by waking up at five plus in the morning, unable to fall back to sleep after answering my nature's call though I have been physically tired these few days. Anyway, I was reading Mitchelle Michelle Mitchapel's blog and I came across this:

" Never think you are nothing. Never cry at night for not being pretty enough. And never tell yourself you'll never be good enough because to someone out there, you're everything. And somebody else probably thinks the world of you. You may not know who they are, but they do exist. So don't ever think that way about yourself. "
(via)heartandlung/

Jeez. It would be great if I am able to have that mindset...

I was unhappy. Randall threw away all my laxatives. If you are smart enough to realise, I used past tense so I am alright now. He is ever so sweet though. He bought me the entire strawberry shortcake yesterday. He brought my two brothers to pasar malam to play with the games. And we played Wii games together! Jeez. I kinda suck at them though. Kinda like games idiot. Second jeez, Randall must be nodding in agreement while reading this.

Randall went to my aunt's for dinner yesterday! I was dead happy. I do not know why either... I like it when I am with both him and my family.

Anyway, people have been updating their fb's wall post, counting down to the day whereby the N-level pupils will take their results. Jeez. It's so irritating. I am saying it as of no big deal but... It's actually freaking me out. I am scared. Really.

I am going to fold those clothings piling up in my parents' room now. Yes, now at such a timing. Shucks. Then I will try to fall back to sleep, tutor Barry and off to LI with Istina and Chelle.

I have forgotten to greet you readers. Good morning and have a nice day ahead. M

Xa.

2009-12-13T10:24:00.008+08:00

This may seems funny but I do miss my younger sister. Yeah, it sure does because we are living under the same roof yet I am still missing her. She has been really busy I guess, attending her church services and events. I did not really have the chance to see her, let alone talk to her. Perhaps the only time I see her will be the time she came into my room before taking her stuffs and kinda woke me up (I am a light sleeper) early morning. Or perhaps when she was already asleep and I went to peek at her after I have reached home late. However, I am glad that she is enjoying herself with her friends. If you were to ask like how do I know, well, I would always go her facebook profile and see what has she been up to... He he. I am not any stalker. I care for her. I really do. She's the closest to me. Adeline Phua, when are you free? Kanena.

Jeez. Lets move on...

I have to make today a good day. Or else I will feel awful till the next day. I am currently feeling probably a little awful already. Thank God I am better after those xa's. I do not know why... It's killing me... It seems like I am dying tomorrow. Nobody can understand how I feel. They will probably think I am madly insane. I am not. I really am not.

I will be back. When I am feeling wonderful again.

M

Mangkali.

2009-12-12T01:34:00.018+08:00

My aesthetics therapist, Sherlin, was telling me a lot of stuffs when I went over for my waxing and candle wax yesterday. She's one that I really looked up to. And I am always so comfortable telling her anything and everything. Well, perhaps she's just sixteen years older than me.

Candle wax was great. I am loving the olive oil. I even dozed off for a bit while she was massaging my shoulder. Run Qing's sinus has became a little better, I guess.

Oh right, as I was saying about going to the flea at scapeyouthpark with Mitchelle yesterday, it did not turn out as exciting as Mitchelle sounded! Jeez. And she was like sweating all the way. We went 313. It is a new shopping mall. M and I are getting really nice Zara tees. I can not wait. They are really nice. The material, quality... Really worth buying it.

It was even worth spending on Swensens ice creams. That's why I love yesterday. Burger King... Swensens' ice cream...

Mitchelle's hand is so white. Mine is the one wearing that brown batch of strips. That belongs to Christina. She claims that if I wear it, I will think of her whenever I see it. And kinda like help her to take care of it. Funny.

Wahlao... Coit tower... I want to eat it now. I want to eat roti prata, yakun toast, sushi, mos burger, and subway too.

Jeez. While I am uploading this picture, I am like drooling. And I think I looked like a kid when I was having that though. Mitchelle was like 'Wahlao, you eat so fast!'. Jeez. That sounds so wrong, it sounded like I am a glutton. This is not good, so not good.

Mitchelle's alertness is powerful. She can stop doing everything and put both her hands to cover her face whenever I take pictures of her. Ha ha. Speaking of that, I was laughing at her at that period of time yesterday. She ordered that milo ice cream and she did not finish it! Jeez. Needs a serious spanking.

A little of Christmas mood was nice. I love this picture. It is set as my wallpaper currently. Well, you may be thinking like 'Ying wei ni mei ma' but no, I love the lighting, background, Mitchelle, everything...

That picture above is taken by a Mangkali. He is an unskilled photographer. Oh well, perhaps he couldn't wait to have his ice cream too. Ha ha.

Love the two pictures too. Love my bindi.

Shucks. I can not wait for 15Th like really. My bindis! Plus hennas, East Coast Park, good food... Second shucks, I can not sound so Indian desperate. Or else someone is going to complain again uh huh...

Hmm... I have got a good news. Medeline is not working finally. I have got a bad news. My mom changed my bed sheets to those patterned ones and I seriously detest it because my bed sheets have always been one straight colour ones. It is okay. I hope someone (not me) will accidentally spill something over it and I can change it.

Anyway, I could not fall to sleep this morning. I eventually turn in at four AM. I was thinking, pondering, wondering... Sigh. Magd is still as ugly. Her eyes are still as puffy. Those texts were too much. I couldn't take it. And I know that Mr Ax couldn't take it too... I believe that the only way to solve problems is by doing the right thing and not be solving it with your emotions. Because if it is the opposition, things will never be solved.

I was looking at that black reflection of ours yesterday. Why and how can we turn out to be like this? And from then on, mixed feelings were all over me throughout.

Goodbye and good afternoon, readers. M

Early birds get to eat the worms.

2009-12-11T08:00:00.006+08:00

Good morning. I have got half and I might be meeting Run Qing for our ear candling and my waxing. And the awesome thing is, we will be AXs today.

Meeting Mitchelle Lau later on too!

And she gave me a notice yesterday that our pays have been transferred! Speaking of waking up early, knowing that you will be hairless with clean ears (what the bitch), and knowing that you have got much more money in your bank, and that you will be out in the flea with Mitchelle Lau. Awesome.

And ps:// I can not wait for 15th. My hennas are fading. I have look up a couple of henna designs and I am going to do them the next time I go LI! Below, people, below!

Shucks man. Aren't they lovely? And I do not know why, I just love the smell of those fresh leaves of the henna plant!

Alright, I will update soon. Goodbye!

We have been failing. I have been failing.

Ahpuneh.

2009-12-10T06:54:00.003+08:00

A few days ago, I met up with C before meeting Randall at Novena. I can not believe that I am actually so good to accompany her there just to purchase her Mic's. And I wouldn't forget the time whereby I am the companion for Ben and Jerry's...

Okay. I admit I do look a little pale as what C describes me as of that day. Jeez, I guess I always look at that till I am ready to have make up on, which is almost close to impossible.

I Love my bindi. Funnily enough, I will feel awkward and uncomfortable without wearing it out now. Randall is so cute. He was telling me that day that he feels good going out with me because people will mistaken me as an Indian-Chinese mixed. Ha ha. Are you people smiling to yourself now?

There you go, here's my second Indian friend.

"A woman's beauty is multiplied 1,000 times when she wears a bindi"
-Hindu Proverb

Exotic women wearing a red dot on their forehead...Have you ever wondered why the women of India wear the little red dot on their forehead? Many people think that this little red dot has something to do with the caste system of India. The truth of the matter is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the caste system of India. They are such a part of India's heritage and culture that we must make mention of their value.

Pronounced Bin Dee, the word bindi is derived from the Sanskrit word bindu, which means "drop". There are two common meanings of bindi throughout India. The first is tied to Hindu religion and the second is social symbol. Throughout India , many believe it is suppose to be representative of the mystic third eye and become the central point of the base of creation Therefore, the traditional red dot (often made with tikka powder or vermillion) can be seen on men and women alike. When visiting a temple, it is common for the priest to mark, men, women and children with this mark using his finger. The second historical and cultural significance of bindi is as a social symbol, very similar to western wedding bands. Bindi were worn by married women in North India in the form of a little red dot. Red was chosen because that color was suppose to bring good fortune into the home of the bride. The red mark made the bride the preserver of the family's honor and welfare. Over time, they also became a fashion accessory and changed in shape and colors.

In the past few decades, not only married women have taken up this beautiful accessory. Girls of all ages enjoy wearing a variety of styles and colors. Today, these little gems are often matched with the color clothing a person is wearing. It is a must with sari, sarees, salwar kameez or other Indian dresses. It is also used as an accessory to any belly dance , ethnic dance costume or for body art. They come with a sticker like back that allows you to place the bindi securely. Bindis are fast becoming the accessory of choice for their sensual charm and sparkle.

I am buying this fancy star bindi. Pretty madness. I like.

Hush Puppies

2009-12-10T06:30:00.003+08:00

I am awake and I can not fall back to sleep. I was browsing through my dontknowhowmany pictures in my netbook and my hush puppies folder makes me feel so nostalgic. I miss working with my crazy colleagues.

Michelle is that girl besides me and jeez, I think she looks like Grace Yap from my school. Fuck, it's really you right Grace? The more I look at the picture, the more it looks like you. I wonder how are you now... I still remember the times whereby you will literally pull my jersey pants out and my lace panties will show out.

Wahlao, those really nice times. We will meet for breakfast at Yakun, E.A.T, Mac... Though our working days weren't long at all, it seems like a long period man. Thankfully, I still meet up with C and M. It was also that they were there when I was having my fucked up times. Thanks, though.

Kee Hong Liang is a friend of their's. He wasn't working but he will be there everyday during our working times. He will be like asking each one of us if we are hungry, thirsty... Amazingly (I used it because he isn't what he seems to be), he will accompany anyone of us for our break if we asked for it. He's one good friend. And Mitchelle (I do not know why I always type your name like this, I will always backspace it but I guess this looks nicer or perhaps more special because it's from me la...), I know that you will be cursing and swearing after reading about the Hong Liang's part. Speaks and see no evil:>

Mr cool.

2009-12-10T06:11:00.001+08:00

You are my sweetest little sin.

2009-12-09T12:36:00.004+08:00

And Christina Wong, enjoy your Genting trip.

Ps:// Yes, she's my new friend. But do not think that just because I have a new friend, I gave up my old ones. Fuck that thought anyway. This shows how immature and stupid you are, again.

M

Thanks.

2009-12-09T10:46:00.016+08:00

Randall was contemplating whether to get that new Ipod shuffles for us yesterday. And after much talking or lecturing from me, he decided to drop that idea.

We walked out of that shop and he told me, " You have changed me a lot. ". And from that very moment, I know I have done my part. I taught him.

He hugged me and whispered in my ears.
" Can I die for you? "

My heart and mind totally went crazy and I was like, " Randall, I will be angry and call it off with you if I ever hear that again ".

He says, " I want to marry you. ".

One thing I am most certain is that I am not one whereby you can give up everything for me now. I am not good still. I will Do my best to be one, though. And honestly speaking, I do not know what will become of Randall and me in future, but I will do my very best to make both of us worked out till the very end:)

A day of guiltiness. And happiness.

2009-12-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

Botanic Garden

2009-12-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

First Official Date.

2009-12-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

Christina Wong.

2009-12-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

2009-12-04T23:56:00.002+08:00

Magd is currently in a relationship with Randall Leong.

I'll be there for you

2009-12-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love in suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God
You'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
How they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drink, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

My face speaks evil.

2009-12-04T23:01:00.004+08:00

A little of you. A little of everyone else.

2009-12-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

Both songs are going to accompany me throughout my everyday...

2009-12-04T21:25:00.005+08:00

2009-12-04T00:24:00.004+08:00

He loves me. She loves me. They love me. Fucking shits.

2009-12-02T00:09:00.004+08:00

Make me believe.

2009-12-01T11:24:00.008+08:00

I have got so much to say, so much to show. However, I guess better not. I am lazy too, though. These few weeks have been of an up and down kind of issue. My birthday was just like another day. It wasn't one I enjoyed actually. The atrium at Jurong Point was really awesome. I got even better with Christina, Michelle and Wei Ming.

I have got like hundreds of photos to show you guys. I have got no time at all. I have been staying out late and waking up really early to start yet another day. I enjoyed it anyway. It keeps my life at pace, I would say.

I went out with Christina and Michelle yesterday. We were the One little Two little Three little Indians. So cute. Christina and I went to Novena about night time for Mic. We went for mac and Christina is a chilli eater. And a fan of Mickey mouse. So cute, again. We sat outside pizza hut and chatted while waiting for those candymen to knock off. Well, I can say that night was great.

And for your information, I called it off with Randall. I wouldn't entertain you people if I am being questioned on stuffs about him.

Shucks, got to rush. See you soon in like. I don't know.

M

You make me wanna.

2009-11-15T16:18:00.001+08:00

2009-11-15T13:43:00.019+08:00

Pardon me for my mom's background. She was eating supper when I was taking pictures. Wtb Korean mee at near twelve??? At least she goes to the gym now.

I am finally staying at home this Sunday!

I went Al-ameen for breakfast with Barry earlier on. Thumbs up for Cheese Strawberry and Cheese prata. They seem to get even better each time I go for them there.

I have been out these few days. I have been spending much these few days. Jeez.

I watched 2012 with Barry, Randall, Medeline, Sherlyn and Adeline that day. It was a pretty good show I would rate it, but it is somehow draggy. Randall said he sat till his buttock was aching.

Lets not say 2012. Lets say, what if you have got only 24 hours left before you yourself, vanish? What do you want to do before you have your last breath?

I have been spending time with my two brothers. They have been real adorable. I wouldn't have time to play or even see them when the next Hush Puppies atrium starts on the 23rd.

I am tutoring Barry recently and jeez, primary five work isn't as easy as you think! Especially for Math!

Mom, if you are ever reading this, or you have always been follwoing me in my blog, just to say, I love You.

Mom has been very nice to me all these while. I have got my salary and I am gonna give her some of it. I know she wouldn't take it because I have owe her more than what I am gonna give her. Ha ha.

The picture above looks like I am squeezing Furie but no, I am not. I realised I am so bad, I have not even post a single picture of my baby hamster in here though I have already had him for almost a year!

Ya know something... Furie is the best hamster anyone else could get. Really. You can ask Randall that.

And before I end this post today,

I Am Loving And Missing Randall Leong Currently.

Ate.

2009-11-09T15:03:00.001+08:00

R to the A to the N to the D to the A to the L to the L, again.

I am going to cherish.

2009-10-29T22:43:00.013+08:00

I am finally having some time to update my blog.

Well, I have been working under Hush Puppies currently. I might switch to others next week. I met nice people like Christina, Michelle, Harvey, Adeleen, Ester, Amy... And though the working hours are long and they get tiring at times, I have been really happy and everything is going so smoothly for me.

I am off today and I went over to Tian's house. Time just flies whenever I am with him... Absence surely does makes the hearts fonder. I am going to miss him when he is out of my sight.

Working at twelve PM tomorrow and that is so cool.

ni you zhe ke hao peng you, hui zhao gu ni yi bei zhi! - Gerald

PS:// I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THE THREE DEARS IN THE " FAVOURITE " LIST IN MY MSN CONTACTS (G M R).

PSS:// Great to catch up with you today, Hisyam.

2009-10-24T12:13:00.001+08:00

12:13 PM;

Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella.
Wings by Aprilynne Pike.

Must read!

Everyone is special.

2009-10-24T09:20:00.009+08:00

9:20 AM;

I was lying on my bed last night, unable to fall to sleep. I was thinking. I was daydreaming. I was really tired! My eyes were hurting from crying. All my energy was drained out. I could hardly breathe. Eventually, I dozed off after what seems like hours. And I am awake now, not even having eight hours of sleep like how everyone should have. My eyes are ugly. They are puffy. Very very.

I want to laugh at myself for don'tknowwhat reasons. I do not know what I have been doing all these while. It seems like I do not have any feelings at all.

I want to run away. I want to be alone.

No, you are wrong. I am not trying to or being all emotional over here. I am just sick. I just want to happy. Give me a day of happiness and I will be contented. I am saying the truth though it's human nature that they are born to be greedy. And as you can see (or might not), things haven't been going very smoothly for me. Even till now. The only thing that is keeping me going will be my self assumptions, my hopes and dreams. I am like a never recovering wound. Just when it is recovering, someone (aren't referring to anyone) just has to peel it off and let it bleeds again. It just didn't get any better. Or never. I am on the verge of breaking down.

I believe different people have different stages of life when they will experience heartaches, sorrows and unhappiness. I am experiencing now, the worse out of the whole of my sixteen years so far. I am sad.

Fine. Perhaps you are shaking your head. Perhaps you are thinking " Gosh, can you please like, wake up, Magd? You ought to grow up. Stop being so emotional. Come on, I know you have always been laughing! " Or perhaps you are thinking that I am just being sensitive and unsecured like any other sixteen years old. Fine. I am perfectly fine with that. Because no one (yet) can understand the pain I am going through.

I have decided though. I am not going to let unpleasant things affect me. Life is like an escalator. You see, it carries you on regardless. And you might as well enjoy the view and seize every opportunity while you're passing. Otherwise it'll be too late.

I am not going to make myself in a difficult situation. Actually, it is how you see life isn't it? When one is happy, he/she will says like "Goodness Gracious, Life Rocks. " But when one is down, he/she can simply says like " Fucking Life. Fuck up ed. KNNBCCB! @#$%^&*()_. " Have you ever realised when things are going well for you, you will be like telling the whole world, be it to your Bff, boyfriends, family, or even your soft toys? And when things are not in a very smooth situation, you will tell the whole world too, be it via texts, fb status, msn nicks, blogs, twitters... I bet everyone of you has experienced or is experiencing it now. Think about it. Isn't it funny? Don't you feel like laughing? Speaking of having mixed feelings and emotions in our everyday. Life indeed can makes us go mad.

So maybe what I am trying to say is, Life is dead. It is Us, who are keeping it alive. Do not let yourselves make life miserable. Because we have got no more time for anymore sorrows and heartaches. What if tomorrow never comes? Stop grousing. Stop being sad. Stop bitching. Stop comparing. Stop commenting. Stop being emotional. Stop wasting your fucking time. Stop wasting your fucking time and get on to do something meaningful for today (I'm just kidding; the wasting time part). You Have Got No Time For All These (jeez, speaking of self comforting. Yet another feelslikelaughingtomyself feeling).

I have realised something too. Friends are really important to me. They are the angels. I can not live without them. It isn't like a sudden realisation or whatever, it is just that there are times whereby I took them and their presence for granted, that makes me feel alone and useless. Had I not know, they are always there. It is whether you are willing to pour your sorrows to them. It is whether you trust them. It is whether you want them to be your close friend.

I really like Medeline (you must like, wahlao M again again againnnnn), Gerald and maybe, Dawn? Ha ha... Bet Dawn will be like so touched but seriously speaking, she is a nice girl whom I can talk to without any worries. Medeline's name will be forever on my Bff list. As for Gerald, I got to talk to him only somewhere last month, or this month, I am not sure. But he is really awesome and amazingly and surprisingly, he is my best friend now and I love him for that. There are other friends whereby I appreciate them too! It is just that we Might not be able to be close, or some other fucking reasons. Never mind. They will be in my heart. Always. Like B, Zy, A, S etc.

My appreciation for Randall is true too. Needless to say (and you will be like wahlao R again, buey sian ahhhhh), he has been with me for almost ten months. I can say that we do have times whereby we are upset with each other. We have serious arguments. I can like slap him and whack him as if his body has got 99.9% of fats. At times, I can like cry and push every faults to him like a kid who will never admit her mistakes. This relationship has taught me a lot of things. I have learnt and though I have become weak physically, I have grown stronger, in terms of like being mature. Just like other couples out there, we have gone through ups and downs. I can not say I have any regrets being with him. Because all these while, he is the only one that I am willing to go through out to do anything for. Regardless of what. I am sure I love him. My dear Randall, I want to keep this relationship going. I know you want to, too. I wanna say thank you to you too, though at times I really feel like killing you and never gonna visit you at your funeral. We are going to get out of that big mess aren't we? And did I tell you I love my dinner with you yesterday? It was so sweet! Is like we are living together man... I waited for you to be back home at your house, I helped to wash the dishes, I read my book and can't wait to see you. Eating Pizza hut delivery and watching the television together, commenting how horrible Singapore's comedy shows are... Ha ha. They are all so sweet. I like it like that. Wo zhen de hao xi huan ni((((((((((:

Ya know, there will be a time whereby you have got to choose and make your priorities right. And there will be times whereby they say you can only choose one: Your family, friends or boyfriend (if you have one). It is difficult.

Those who are single will obviously say family and friends. Because they have not tasted how it feels like to be with someone whom might be with them for the rest of their lives too. Those who are having struggles with their family, will definitely say friends and boyfriend. Same for otherwise. Like I say, do not let your emotions take control of you. Think outside the box. Do not let just one setback get the hang of you and change your perception on something/someone. Because you will think that you are very immature and stupid in the end. You might even live to regret.

I bet you people change your perceptions on something and someone very quickly right? Is like, when you are on good terms with a friend, you will think like ohmygoodness bff man! I love you to bits. We are so gonna be forever. But once that bff friend of yours were to like make your feel unsecured or disappoint you, you will be like fuck off of my life, or you might like, ew, she isn't that good and you start to delete those sweet texts from her and delete those pictures together with her in your phone. All these apply to family and your partner too! Ahem...

Once again, do not let your emotions take control of you. Follow your heart instead. Do not follow blindly, though. Life is dead. It is Us who are keeping it alive.

Think through what I have said. Because it is time to grow up. I have too, not fully though, but I am sure I have became a better and mature person. Today. Everyone and everything is special. It is how and where you see it. Why not try appreciating even the littlest thing? Like the mole on your face which you have always think that it spoils your face? How about those fats in your body? Ah ha, talking about fats, I have came to a realisation yet again. Each and everyone of our body is designed the way it is. It is time to love yourself. Remember, you have got no time to lose!

One day at a time - this is enough.
Do not look back
and grieve over the past,
for it is gone.
Do not be troubled
about the future,
for it has yet to come.
Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth
remembering.

With love and care, hugs and kisses,
Mad.

2009-10-20T00:17:00.006+08:00

Yesterday (it is 1:22 AM currently so yeah),

Mac breakfast.
Cab to Joy Clinic with R.
Cab to Sgh with R.
R had bloodtest, X-Ray.
He was suffering.
I was suffering.
Goodness gracious. He is fine.
"Zhi Cha" with him.
Home ~~Sweet~~ Home.

I will go throughout for him. Be it worth it or not. Call me stupid or naive. I do not care.

And by the way, G, Thank You.

2009-10-18T20:37:00.006+08:00

Long story cut short, I love this week!

I am too lazy to update in details though I have much to say. I have been very tired these few days. Especially when Randall is sick and injured, it is impossible for me to have a good sleep.

I made breakfast for Randall (no Tian, I did not claim the credits) today and his uncle said I have got a long way to go. He made some senses though but rest assured, I am going to make Tian's breakfast better the next time round.

I am exhausted. I will update soon. Have an early sleep too. Goodnight!

2009-10-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

Sha la la la la
Sha la la la la
You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm livin' out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happenin' for me
I'm thinkin' back on the past
It's true that time is flyin' by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you

I know you're in a better place yeah
But I wish that I could see your face oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you

2009-10-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

Where's our forever?

2009-10-11T19:40:00.004+08:00

I finally get to have my dinner at my grands' after so long. Great, it was great!

I need to save money again anyway. No more hailing for cabs, and cut down on costly food! Yes. I am so going to do that from tomorrow onwards.

Tomorrow? Shrug, D&T paper. I hope I wouldn't fall asleep while doing it. I will be waking up as early as six and meet Medeline to Novena! Ha ha. It is so cozy there, it feels like my second home:)

Sherlin was telling me today, "Being human beings are already so miserable, then why add on to their misery by grousing?"

True true. I will cut down on grousing and perhaps that will make my life easier!

It is not even eight PM yet but I am going to turn in soon.

2009-10-11T18:55:00.001+08:00

I LOVE FLAMINGO:)

2009-10-10T22:50:00.004+08:00

I had a dream last night. Many people were involved in it. I dreamt that I have to go Australia to marry a 32 years old fellow and I have to leave everyone. I can not make any decisions myself. I do not dare to tell Randall about it so I just gave him a last minute call. He was really sad and did not want to reply my texts and calls. All my friends were crying. My parents were happy that I am going to live with a rich old fellow. I was really sad and heart-broken. I felt so alone. I was walking all over the place (whereby is like a farewell party or something), hoping someone will run away with me. But no. Everyone was just crying and crying non-stop. He, touched my chin and kissed my lips. He told me he will be waiting.

---

It is a pretty good day today. Spent it with,

It was wonderful. Because I get to eat my strawberry sundae and banana split. I thought I gained a few pounds so I went to the gym and ran like a mad dog just now. I even climbed up to fifteen floors after that. Fit zai.

I am only left with one paper! Goodness gracious. Those previous papers were alright, I managed to do most of the questions though. And I got to thank D for teaching me angle bisector and standard deviation. If it is not for him, I will not be able to do those free marks questions.

I am so tired but shiok after a cold bath from those workouts. I guess I will turn in soon and face a new day tomorrow.

2009-10-08T13:41:00.003+08:00

The weather currently is really nice. Plus a long cold bath a few minutes ago, it is just perfect.

Till now, everything has been so so drama. I am feeling very sorry and guilty to ___ .

I have been promising myself to start anew. To be a good girl. But it seems like I am still self-declaring myself as a hag from hell yet, it is true. But whatever it is, I have to change.

Regrets.

2009-10-05T21:21:00.002+08:00

Everything seems like a dream.

Worn out.

2009-10-02T10:20:00.004+08:00

Madeleine, can you just press on a little more? Just a little more!

Brand new.

2009-10-01T04:13:00.014+08:00

Happy anniversary, Randall.

Heyer. It is 5:50 AM now and I am still awake. I slept way too early yesterday.

I went to the library to study with three aliens yesterday. Lunxing is scary. He eats a lot. He told me that he was broke. I guessed he spent it all on food. I saw W anyway. It just sucks to see someone who were once closed to you. Never mind about that.

I am seeing honey in a few hours time. I am lovin' it. I shall try falling back to sleep now. Today will be a nice day. I am going to make every 'todays' awesomely.

2009-09-27T07:14:00.001+08:00

2009-09-26T09:11:00.006+08:00

:'(
My skin colour is changing. My face is getting paler. My eye bags are getting thicker. My dark circles are getting blacker. I am becoming uglier.

2009-09-23T17:16:00.008+08:00

Great. I am behaving like an idiot again.

2009-09-21T18:52:00.020+08:00

I am tired. I have done what I should. Or perhaps even more.

If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

I am having a faith with reservations. Is it time that I should give up?

I am having a feeling with a mixture of love, misses, jealousy, yearnings, fear, abnegation and forsaking, all forming up together. I can not breathe. I am tired. I am sick. I want to be happy.

If that day comes and you were to miss and yearn for me ......

Banana split.

2009-09-20T21:45:00.004+08:00

I was teaching Jingxian about Social Studies earlier on. Gosh. I feel like a teacher. I feel so cool cool. Mr Ng, please kindly thank me if you were to pass your SS paper well this coming Friday.

Time seems to pass really fast today. Especially the time when I had my dinner with Randall. We had Swensens and it was great. We got to eat banana split like finally. And by the way, Randall wore the shirt I bought for him and he looked amazing. It is his birthday tomorrow. I am anticipating, I am anticipating :>

I am almost done with my combined Science. I will continue with my revision now so wait for my next post?

Happy me ni de ma ma.

2009-09-19T20:39:00.008+08:00

I was alone in the bus, on the way home from Changi Airport earlier on. An old lady was sitting beside me. I was listening to the songs in my phone. As the journey was ridiculously long, that old lady thought she has boarded the wrong bus. She asked me if it was a direct bus to woodlands and I said yes. From there, we talked till we reached woodlands interchange. She bid me goodbye and I do not see her anymore.

It is funny. Although I did not talk long with that old lady, that chat seemed to brighten up the rest of my day. She is lonely. Her son did not send her back. She has to spend about two hours or so in order to be back home. However, she is happy she got to spend time with her son, walking around the airport.

I managed to spend time with Adeline and Medeline today. I get to eat subway. I bought a new single with Adeline. I bought a new hairband. The way that Indian guy talked while we were on the train caused Adeline and me to laugh out loud. I looked at people in the airport like an idiot. Jeremy called and told me that he is fishing and he caught nothing. Mom called and I guessed she is happy that I am home early today. She even bought potato back and I am making potato salad now like how I did with Randall! Also, I am glad I had cleared all the dis likeness I had with Pam! Funny as it has sounded, but still... :D

I am turning in early tonight. I will wake up early to study tomorrow. Stupid N-level. And I have been spending money like crazy.

Oh by the way, hello Jeremy Neo. I have been real busy these few days and I hadn't got a chance to talk with you! Ah ha, it is ok. I will be there for you no matter what happens though. Because you are like a brother to me. You are caring and protect me like a bear HAHA. And I like you for that. Cheers.

Ok laaaAAA. Goodnight people, goodnight Randall.

2009-09-18T12:43:00.005+08:00

Why am I still holding on to something that will never belong to me again?

I think I am a cheap bitch.

But still, I can not be compared to those jerks out there. Why can't boys be just a little more faithful, be a little more honest, be a little more non-jerky like?

15th.

2009-09-16T13:43:00.005+08:00

I did not attend school yesterday so I met up with Randall. We headed to United Square and had Pastamania for our breakfast cum lunch cum dinner. Lol. Ok, to cut short, we walked around United Square, Velocity and Novena Square the whole day. Well, literally.

We had our Andersen's ice cream together like finally:)

We had our night study and the super bitter coffee at Starbucks. Total loving it, we will be going there again.

Thank you, Randall. For making my day again yesterday. Celio celio celio :>

The truth may hurts at times. Nevertheless, I have accepted everything about you. What truly matters is that I love you, and I have always been.

I am not really the sort of superglue-to-boyfriend girl and at times we are unable to really spend time with each other for days. Maybe that is why I am cherishing every moment I get to spend with you. Yesterday was awesome, isn't it? We hardly get to spend time like this. Perhaps it is because we are lazy and we spend most of our time together at each other's. Do you realised we have been together for almost eight months? Ha ha. How fast time flies isn't it? I still remember how shy we were when we celebrated Valentines' Day together this year...

And you have been so loving and good to me ever since we got together.

Verge of losing my mind

2009-09-13T20:04:00.004+08:00

I spent my whole day with my family finally after so long. The feeling is great. Totally. My meals were all yummy yummy today. I would love to spend one whole day at one degree fifteen marina club again. My mind got totally loosen up and I love it so much. Plusssssss, there are always so many adorable kids. They make me wanna bite their cheekS :>

I MISS YOU:(

2009-09-13T00:39:00.004+08:00

Bastard. My best friend is me. Myself.

2009-09-12T23:40:00.002+08:00

STUPID A I D A N.

I've got no feelings.

2009-09-10T07:31:00.004+08:00

Life has been a drama all along. Very very dramatic indeed. I hate human beings. They are so fake. They aren't themselves anymore. I hate man. I hate boys. I hate everyone. What is happening to the world right now? What is happening to me? If I could ever start anew... If I could ever leave those fucking shits behind.

Just when you think your life is perfect.
Just when you think you are truly being loved.
Just when you think you have got your happiness.

THINK AGAIN.

My heart is all yours.

2009-09-04T00:01:00.006+08:00

It is funny because I can still miss you even when you are just right beside me...

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

A good rest.

2009-09-03T09:14:00.019+08:00

I had a good rest. I actually dozed off while I was studying with Med, Sher and Pj in school yesterday. Like what the hell, Madeleine shouldn't be falling asleep when she's studying...

Whatever it is, I am refreshed and my battery is charged. I am happy.

Love never fails to accompany me back home and spend some time with me after we had a long day out. I enjoy having dinner with him. It's really heartwarming. Excluding the part where he would always complain about me wasting food, though. Ha ha.

He never fails to play his IPhone toooOOO. Just imagine if I were to drop it on Purpose... Bet he will be like cursing and pointing a middle finger to his laptop when he reads this part.

Randall and I went to study with Weijinn the buiToottoot on Tuesday and Weijinn freaking made me laughed like mad in the library and yes... Public nuisance yet again. The way Baby and him talked in the library is like as if they have it all by themselves. I did not manage to browse through the books in there anyway. I will find a day to go to the library for the whole day just to borrow and read some books. I would love it totally.

School was really stupid yesterday. I was like wasting my time. Ok, maybe not. I love Physics lessons and pathetically, it was the only fruitful lesson for the day. Zeesh. And maybe it is because my Physics teacher is awesome. (Scream for Mr. See)

The weather was chilly in the morning. I was like shivering and during chapel service, I wanted to go out because I really could not stand the freezing (well it is for me) but Miss. Chua disapproved it >:(

Never mind. I got better around noon time so it's ok.

If taking pictures with my best friend in school can make me feel whole lot better and less stress out, I do not mind taking a million of them, at all. Medeline and I have been studying for our Social Studies like some mad girls. I do hope our hard work pays off. Or else our plan for the holidays...

Whoops. The shadows belong to Sher's and mine. We were waiting for our train back home. Tiring day it was for us. We can't wait to go home and sleep after burying ourselves in the books.

Funnily enough, I woke up at six A.M today but I gave school a miss. I think I can study better at home. Or perhaps it's because it's more cozy compared to the stupid classroom. Like definitely. I am just taking some time to come blogging here and I will be back to my revision again. Oh, one cool cool thing, I am having Jack's place with Randall later on. I realised I can eat lots of good food with him. Zeesh, $$$ ?!?!?! :P

I find myself falling in love with Gardenia bread recently. It tastes really nice! I love spreading it either with strawberry jam, peanut butter or even butter and sugar. I ate some for my breakfast earlier on. Yummy. Gives me double energy to start my day. But Randall said just by relying on bread all day can makes one fat:(

By the way, I managed to have a chat with T.Mic on the phone on Tuesday. It feels really great to be able to talk to someone whom you have missed dearly because both of you have not met for what seemed like years. I was crying like a three years old girl when T.Mic was updating to me about her life. She is one who understands me and I love her for that. She is one who has always been there for me. I can't wait for October to come. I will be able to meet up with her. I CAN'T WAIT. T.Mic, though I know it will be a miracle if you are reading this but I just hope you will take good care of yourself. You can't fall sick. I hope those medications will stop one day. Magd loves and misses you like crazyyyYYY.

I am still pretty upset about my paprents... But I am sure everything will turn out well for me one day. Randall has given this assurance to me too and I hope he is right. I have learned to take things more lightly. In case I get all depressed and my migraine start knocking to me again. Ha ha, we should live our life happily, eh?

Before I end this post, Jeremy is a G.T.N.N.B.

I think I have better get going. Take care people. Have a nice day ahead.

2009-09-01T00:27:00.003+08:00

This is the first time I am feeling, so so alone.

I do.

2009-08-31T18:44:00.004+08:00

I am currently taking a break again. It's Teachers' Day celebration today. It isn't as special as before. I realised many special events are starting to lose their significance in them as time passes. Is it because I am growing up, or is it because the spirit is really dying?

Yesterday was great. I managed to borrow a storybook from the library with Randall. It took me like less than five minutes to do so because the library was closing. Zeesh. But whatever it is, it's a good book. Anyway, I came across a sentence while I was browsing through a book on soul mates and I find it somehow true.

' It is important to recognise the value in commitment, and not become a relationship butterfly, flitting from one to the next and always moving on when things start to get too intense. '

I've been feeling kind of empty lately. Ok, maybe not. It is just that I have realised plenty of stuffs and I am upset that those are the reality. I am a person who is unable to adapt to a new surrounding or new changes around me easily. It will take me some time to get use to a particular thing or person. I am afraid there will be upcoming changes in future. Because I know for sure that I will be struggling yet again.

I am also afraid of my frequent changing of mindsets. Perhaps I am still immature to know what is really going on around me. I need some facts and truth. But sometimes, even the truth can hurt you.

I wonder how will I be doing if some people are absented from my life.

Thank you.

2009-08-30T02:19:00.013+08:00

I managed to see him at last at late noon yesterday. I've missed him to bits. He treated me to Fish and Co and our tummy was bloated. I can't finish my food and he was so adorable that he took so many pictures of me and my unfinished food.

We went to the library with the intention to study but ended up being a disturbance to others.

We went to have a walk at Bottle Tree again. That Indian guy actually remembered us.

We went to the Ntuc because I was having a crave on sour plums. And I think he looked like an adorable kid when he told me he wanted to try to squeeze the dead fishes that were to be sold.

We went back to his house to rest since we had a long day out. I bid him goodbye after taking a short nap.

I will be seeing him again in a few hours time. I'm kind of like addicted to his presence. We have went through many tough times together and ha ha, I've got to thank him that we are still being together now, though. Mr pretty, I've got to thank you for your faithful love too:)

It's close to four AM now and I guess I will be turning in soon after I'm done with going through my SS notes. It will be a nice day today. Goodnight and good morning. I'll try to update my blog with pictures anyway.

P/S: I can't wait to have subway with my best friend on Monday.
P/SS: Medeline, don't forget my 'ka na ji' on Monday though. You will love it.

2009-08-28T18:38:00.003+08:00

I've decided to come blogging at my desktop because my life book is too small to be used. Speaking of having some exaggerations. Ha ha. Anyway, I"m just taking a break from the memorizing of my SS notes so I won't be blogging much. Zeesh, I can't wait for my O's to end next year. I'm sure to burn all stuffs relating to education :>

I will be staying at home for the entire day today. I think I will be prepared for my SS paper (8/09) in about an estimation of a maximum of five days. By then, I'm able to focus on my other subjects and N-level will be over in a blink of eye. Cool cool thing it is.

I just want to focus on my studies for the time being. Nothing else. I want to succeed. I don't want to be a letdown to both myself and people who have the faith in me. I will be back soon, after I've completed running the last lap. With loves. By the way, I think I need a hug...

Love Ran.

2009-08-16T15:45:00.005+08:00

I've got bad news. My laptop is some sort of spoiled so I can't really update much now. I'm currently at my aunt's house, had an advanced small birthday celebration for Barry earlier on. I just hope my parents will agree on buying me a new laptop or something. I'm sick of my current one, it shuts down automatically or worse still, it can't even be on at times.

And shucks, I can't seem to control my emotions anymore. What's happening to me? Ok, maybe my period is coming. Or maybe because I'm too tired and that explains my mood swings. Yes, it this much be the reason.

I'm going to continue playing neopets (there's no age limit to neopets ok!). Goodbye. I've got lots of pictures and stuffs to update on this blog but hell knows when will be my next update. I should be getting a new note book next month. So I may be back by then. Take care people. Blessed be.

2009-08-14T00:18:00.005+08:00

Ok, I'm still not asleep yet and since it's already twelve plus in the morning,

Happy birthday Zhang Jin!

It's gonna be an enjoyable day today. I'll have a better update by tomorrow. Night!

2009-08-13T21:02:00.006+08:00

HE MELTS MY HEART TOTALLY.

If you, walk into the alley, and you see a bunch of cats.
Don't be afraid, they are just chasing a bunch of rats.
And the dog came along. And saved the day,
And the cats said...SOMEDAY I'LL GET YOU JUST YOU WAIT.
Just you WAIT~ Just you WAIT~ Just you WAIT~ Just you WAIT~ Just you WAIT~ Just you WAIT~
I'll get you just you wait.
Little do you know, there's a lot of creatures, in the alley.
Some are creepy, and some are just plain scary.
Now lets turn our attention, to the cockroaches in the bins.
They were searching for food, and they found a can of beans!
Oops! My mistake!
It's really a bottle of... Jim Beam.
And they started drinking and partying, and partying...
All day~ All day~ All day~ All day~ All day~ All day~
They were partying all day.
Then the ants came along, and they joined the roaches in this song.
And you just wonder... if they could ever get along.
They have 6 legs, feelers. And they give birth by laying eggs.
But the ants go for sweet things, and the roaches just eat up everything.
Everything~ Everything~ Everything~ Everything~ Everything~ Everything~
The roaches just eat up everything.
Now look, THE ALLEY, is more than just dark and icky.
It's full of surprises.
If only you... Take a minute... TO STOP AND SEE...

2009-08-11T20:37:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling fine right now. I just need some more rest and I'll be ok.

Have you ever wonder what will happen if you were to fall into a coma and forget everything once you woke up? This thought caught me speechless when it suddenly occured to me today. It's really scary. Thinking of forgetting your loved ones and not being Madeleine anymore...

Ran's going to say that I'm thinking too much again but ha ha, it's just a random thought anyway.

If I'm feeling ok tomorrow, I shall go to school. I've been falling sick recently. Though I've been very happy, I've been feeling fatigued at the same time. I don't feel as healthy as before. Hmm.

Whatever, I'm feeling sleepy. I shall have an early night.

I just need a friend to stand by me, and not one who's in front, causing me to struggle just to keep up with. And neither one who's behind me, causing me to lose sight of her.

2009-08-10T18:00:00.012+08:00

HAPPY MADELEINE, EQUALS TO
HANDSOME MADELEINE:)
On Friday, love and I spent the day with my two younger brothers. So they went swimming and I'm sure all of us slept well that night. I totally heart my two brothers. They are one of God's gifts to me. Oh yeah, Barry's birthday is nearing!

* * * * * * * * * *
I'm sure everyone loves home cooked food. Baby and I really love it even if they were just some simple dishes. My dinner was cooked by my mom today. It's just so heartwarming and love.

Saying about home cooked food, I was sick last week and my aunt had almost caused me to tear. She cooked my 'yi mian' noodle just for me, gave me some medicine, and gave me to eat one of my favourite fruit. Baby, too, cooked for me and fed me some really nasty medicine (still, I love you Ran). You must be thinking what on earth is there something to be able to cause my eyes to be welled up with tears aren't you?

It's just that I really appreciated it and I can be touched even by the littlest thing done by my loved ones. Love, is really AMAZING.

This love of mine never fails to put a smile to my face. Whenever I'm piss or mad at him, just by seeing his face again makes me smile. Silly, just to say this for the millionth time,

I Love You.
Ok, I know my recent posts have all been pretty dedicating and thanksgiving but still, I can't express how happy I am.

Before I end, I've finally got a picture of my best friend.

I miss her so much. I'm going to teach her how to write DIE in Chinese tomorrow :>

Ok, so Madeleine is going to have a peaceful sleep again tonight. *Hug hug*

2009-08-08T10:34:00.004+08:00

Blessed.
Because I've someone to count on to.

2009-08-06T18:55:00.021+08:00

I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart. I HEART YOU RANDALL.

Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy. It is often filled with anger and tears. It is when you want to be together despite it all. That is when you are truly in love.

Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go.

Time will prove my love to you and cement my place in your heart forever. For time will give me the credibility and the believability that I need to convince you to want to spend the rest of your life with me. That I am worthy of such a commitment from you.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain.

And in my darkest moment, I just need a friend. My best friend. A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. And I've one. Medeline Ho(:

A simple pause of silence between friends, even if merely for one beautiful second, is a chance for their souls to mingle and truly appreciate the intricacies of each other. Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

My friendship is true, you know that it is. I got your back and you got mine, I'll help you out anytime. When you hurt, when you cry, makes me weep and wanna die. All I have to say is that you're my Best Friend and that we will always be together, forever and more.

Madeleine's not asking for more. Blessed be.

2009-08-05T19:40:00.008+08:00

Good evening. Maths paper two was manageable, and am almost prepared for my last paper tomorrow. After school, I went for lunch with my friends and finally settled down for mac with Med and Sher while the guys ate at other places. I don't know why but the thought of double cheese burger still makes me wanna puke. Oh yeah, I can't wait to go to my aunt's house after my papers tomorrow. Well, I just can't wait to eat her 'yi mian'. I guess home cooked food are always the best.

I went with Randall after that. Randall has like eight sliver dollar fishes now, and I want some angel fishes. I think they look very serene and peaceful. I want clown fishes too, because they don't look like their names. Lol. However, I'm sure they will die under Miss Busy Madeleine's care.

Randall, thanks for the 'nice' medicine and lovely cup of drink today. I just hope I wouldn't sound like an old lady anymore. Alright, I've better get going to my revision. Night to everyone first.

P/S: What the fuck with all these attitudes?
P/SS: I love my best friends, Medeline and Sherlyn.
P/SSS: I've something in me and I'm dead proud of it.
P/SSSS: I want to see Randall now now now.

2009-08-04T17:13:00.004+08:00

You gave me my yearning hug, you tickle my tiny heart.
Cool cool, prelim is ending. But results are coming. I know I should fret much, I still hope my results wouldn't turn out bad though. And I'm dead happy, need not bring that huge black file to school after tomorrow.

Zeesh, will do a proper post soon. Am rushing out.
Before going off,

Happy birthday Jolyn!

2009-08-02T17:46:00.004+08:00

1)Cck in the morning,
2)Currently at silly's house.

Wahlao eh jialat. I'm not studying. Yet. Silly hasn't studied his stupid Geo too. We are both having a holiday HAHA.

Second HAHA, having steamboat with family later.
Third HAHA, paper ends at 0930 AM tomorrow.

Hold on, Mad. You still have four essays to memorize. Kiss your beauty sleep goodbye tonight.

P/S: I've got pics to upload. Will do so soon. *Hug hug*

2009-08-02T08:34:00.004+08:00

I slept for less than six hours, I'm fatigue but can't get back to sleep.
I've not finish touching up my D&T journal.
I'm not in the least prepared for tomorrow History paper.

2009-08-01T20:22:00.017+08:00

Thank God, I'm recovering. Yesterday was horrible. And thank God I'm recovering from those emotional issues too. Kay, I'm happy.

Guess I'll touch up on my D&T journal before turning in. I had adequate sleep yesterday finally. And wahlao, fourteen hours. I haven't slept for so long for the longest time. I didn't know piling myself with all those stuffs can eventually caused me to fall sick. I still remember the last time I fell sick before this, that was more than a year ago. This proves I'm a fit-zai leh. Whatever, not considering the fact of having a high fever of 38.6 degree, though.

Anyway, Medeline got me so mad and upset yesterday >:( aiyer, I'm oka after talking to her via phone just now. Stupid she, makes me feel like smacking and hugging her at the same time.

Will update soon. Night.

R, happy sixth:) I Love You.

2009-07-29T19:33:00.006+08:00

Apart from today's awfulness, I feel awful totally, too. I feel like running away, leaving everything behind me.

Tears wouldn't start making my eyes blury like before. Instead, it's my heart whose the only one accepting all those awful issues that makes it aches really often. So Madeleine is still having emotional issues right this moment. And what's wrong with the awfulness in this post today?

There are only two person whom I'm sure, will go through it all with me.

2009-07-09T17:17:00.006+08:00

School has been extremely tiring.

And I guess I'll be going berserk soon from all those stress piling up to me as each day goes by. Not forgetting to add up those gazillion of revisions to do, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be of a struggle for the next two months plus.

Determination and responsibility; I need it.

2009-07-06T08:09:00.003+08:00

I woke up at six plus and am still having difficulties falling back to sleep so I guess I'll just come blogging and off to gym. I love the weather totally for now! It's so cooling and cosy.

I'm not trying to make this post a gloomy one since it's early in the morning. But still...

Every one of us has childhood memories. Well that depends on whether it's a good or bad one. And unfortunately, mine belonged to the negative part. I've got a BULLSHIT childhood. Yes I know I've not tell anyone about my childhood and I’m not intending to tell anyone either. For now though. However, like the usual phrase, ‘Life goes on’.

It does.

So I’m going to forget all those bullshitting shits and get on with life since they have passed years ago. Or maybe I could say the happiness I’m currently having now has already covered all those sorrows from the past.

It will still come back to me at the unexpectedness but fret not; I’ve got Randall and my friends with me. That’s the assurance I’ve made myself though.

Oh yeah, received an email reply from Bec.

‘Until you, you gave me hope for friends, and build up my confidence. A million thanks to my sweetheart! Thanks for being there for me every time! Thanks for letting me to say craps to you when I’m down. Thanks for being my best friend! <3’

Those were a few sentences out of perhaps a gazillion’s from the email. Gosh, she’s so sweet isn’t she? I saw it the moment I signed in to my mail and gosh, this is going to brighten my day throughout. Thank you, Bec. Thank you.

All right, have to go. Ill be buzzing Randall up after gym. See you.

2009-07-05T04:09:00.004+08:00

Gosh, I know this is mad and insane. It's freaking 410 AM now and Sherlyn and I've just had our swim. I'm dead beat and my head hurts a little. And Sher is like buzzing into my ears like an irritating bee. That's a joke.

Randall must be sleeping soundly now. Speaking of commitment and devotion, I've gave it all, wholeheartedly.

Kay kay. I'll do some gossiping with Sher now before she falls asleep without me.

Lunch with dad, anticipating:) Goodnight. Oh yeah, good morning too.

'I love you'. It may be a commonly used phrase. But still, I really do and I'll always do. Goodnight Randall.

2009-07-04T19:57:00.004+08:00

So I caught Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen with Randall yesterday. Nice show. Anyway, am looking forward to my every date with him:)

Bec just left. Revised some of my work today and zeesh, I'm so sleepy.

AH-HA, Bec must be overjoyed. She SEEMS taller than me here.

There won't be school on Monday, that's the first yay. Second yay, am gonna study. Third yay, with Randall.

2009-07-03T10:37:00.008+08:00

Kay kay, good morning. I'm going back to sleep probably after finishing with this post. I'm so tired and am having inadequate sleep again but my mind just can't get to rest.

So yesterday was great. Would love spending more time with Jo and sis. Kay, would love saving some money too. Zeesh, need a sum of money by one or two weeks time.

I'm piss and mad and fatigue and bored and sad and all jumbled up.

Anyway, hack. I'm seeing bec tomorrow. Gosh, the last time I saw her was before her Genting trip. Second gosh, my holidays just went pass like this and I'm gonna face my prelim and N's like very very soon. Last gosh, I've to get into the studying mood like, today. Bec and I will be studying. Ain't kidding but I hope those sudden chats while focusing on our work wouldn't turn out a whole day one. And and and, Sher's coming over to stay overnight tomorrow. So I guess this Sat will be the last Sat I can really enjoy myself. Speaking of having emotions..

Yet another emotional issues, I'm back to gym. I spent three hours in total there yesterday and mygoodness, I'm having some muscle aches now. WAHLAO RANDALL WOULDN'T WANT MACHO MADELEINE.

Anyway, hack again. I'll be having lunch with daddy on Sun. That makes me happy. I hope nothing will goes wrong kay, just let me enjoy my 'last' weekend happily.

Random but haha, so many people's birthday next week! Sherman's, 7th. Jeremy's and my uncle's, 8th. Wanting's, 9th. Aunt's, 10th. Wahlao speaking of 10th Jul, I'll be having my N's oral. But on a lighter and happier note, I'll be having a family bbq the next day and dad and mom asked Randall along. Another happier note.

And ehem, Elgene is dumb and stupid :D

-

I don't know why but I think I'm mad because I don't usually blog about random stuffs. Kay, maybe all these aren't but I don't really blog about my life so I guess I'm really mad.

Did I tell you I miss Med?

F. I'm having mixed emotions. I WANT TO EAT STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES. I WANT PIGGYBACKS. I WANT PINCHING OF CHEEKS.

I WANT I WANT I WANT YOU. But somehow, it's never going to happen. Not again.

Able to see Randall later. The third happier note. Goodbye.

2009-07-02T13:40:00.005+08:00

Blessed be, anaMpdc.

2009-06-29T00:09:00.003+08:00

Where are you? I've missed you. Badly.

2009-06-24T12:01:00.002+08:00

You make me feel safe. You make me lies in faith.
I hope you catch me when I fall, before I went all downfall.
Though it's just an obsession, it's never out of compassion.
Let us just stay this way, without any hindrance but embrace.
Ever if we end, that's when happiness ends.
My heart is with you now, keep it safe and sound.

2009-06-20T20:02:00.015+08:00

It's a special day today. It's someone special birthday today. And she's none other than my beloved mom:)

I had a pretty good sleep last night excluding those sudden midnight wake ups. My family and I had ourselves prepared and off we went dad's club for dimsum.

Me and Te, with mom.
They showered me with unconditional love and I'm blessed because of that.
He's the youngest in the family. Waiting patiently for his food like haha.
Wouldn't say much in details. Day was spent awesomely with my loved ones. I know mom enjoyed her birthday too. Once again, happy birthday mom:)

-

It will be another day at home. I know I'm lagging behind and am very slow, but I'll start my prelim revision from tomorrow onwards. Got to spend my everyday till N level ends fruitfully. Be back soon.

2009-06-19T04:00:00.001+08:00

Shucks, I must really start to sleep early from today onwards. I'm getting uglier due to my ugly dark circles. I was pretty shocked when I was looking at myself in the mirror last night. I do look ugly huh.

I'm a homebody for today. Gotta complete all my SS essays.

-

Learn to face the joy. And pain.

2009-06-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

I cooked for Medel today and she said it was nice. Though it was just instant noodles. R's so called softest mee goreng ever. So we did some SS work and yes, you guessed it, rest. All the way. Lol. Medel was like showing me our sec one's class picture and we ended up laughing like mad. So many people changed. I still remember I was fat and tanned then. Haha. We went Yishun for subway after that and Medel had to go off after awhile. Geesh, will miss her. Her phone has got some problems and thus, unable to contact each other for perhaps, a few days.. Most probably meeting her on Fri.

We can get really sticky with each other like what Miss Liang said. We are the extra ordinary best friends out there ever. Well, she has shown me what a true friend really is when no one could. And that's why I cherish her like mad.

Terry was playing his spider-web game using plasticine. Lol.
Webcam with Seet Ho Neo!
Can you tuck your nose in? Only the Phuas can. Giggles *
Was near to tears during the phone conversation with Medel earlier on. She's doing the same thing again just to contact me and it's already so late at night. Kay kay wait wait, ain't gonna get all lesbianish and mushy again but still, I LOVE YOU MEDEL.

Back soon. Will be able to see deary tomorrow. Again:) Night.

2009-06-18T01:04:00.000+08:00

It's the perfect dream I'm chasing, that's holding me back.

2009-06-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'll do a quick post and turn in early. I'm finally recharged and miraculously, I even took a nap in the noon. Maybe that shows how fatigue I am.

I love today.

I brought Barry for his haircut and his hair was cut pathetically short, well that's what he assumed. So after much comforting and patting of hair, he's kay now and back to his usual self. Gosh, guys are gays.

Jeremy went JB this morning. I want. Really nice of him to search the Wikipedia yesterday just to make me feel better anyway. I know you must be wondering why on earth will Jeremy-searching-of-wikipedia move makes me smile, but I ain't gonna tell you. Just thank you bro. Thank you.

Andrew Kor (Kor is his surename. Isn't that cool!) told me something I've been expecting. And I'm glad I've made the right decision. Really like jialat heng ah wahlao eh glad:)

Anyway. I miss Randall dearly! Love him for yesterday. Love him, always. His cheekiness has never fails to make me smile, never fails to make me feel weak in his presence. Guess I'll blog some other days. I hate the feeling of missing someone, but loving it at the same time. Night and have an early night too, readers.

2009-06-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

Now I belong to you.
From this day until forever.
Just love me tenderly.
And I'll give to you, every part of me.

I wanted to turn in back to my sleep earlier on but my migraine was too worse for me to even close and eyes and rest. Thus, I decided to come blogging as it wouldn't hurts so much if I just stay at a position without really moving my head, though I'm currently looking like an idiot while blogging.

Caught 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' with Bec on Friday and I would rate it as an average show. And though that show was an average one, the day was as special as usual. I'm so gonna buy subway cookies and get a cup of water from mac, and sit down with Bec, talking for endless hours the next time. Oh by the way, I didn't forget my promise to her (yessy, I know Bec will be smiling to herself like an idiot while she reads this).

I went out with Medel yesterday! Caught 'Drag me to Hell' and I 'll never watch it again. I wanted to leave the cinema on the first fifteen minutes of the show. I admit I'm timid, though. I can't believe I wasted ten bucks on it. But hell ohmygoodness, Medel actually enjoyed it. In conclusion, the day was totally well spent. Excluding the shuting of eyes and ears in the cinema and rushing to everywhere part. And it's well spent because I get to meet deary after that! Gosh. How much I missed that boy.

Well well well, I still think life is beautiful despite all those unhappiness and sorrows happening around us. My heart really aches when I see my parents struggling because of family matters. Being just a sixteen (soon) years old girl, I can't really help much on the situation that they are facing now. I just hope everything will be fine and they will be smiling. Again. Dad & mom, be it you will be reading my blog or not, I just want to say, Magd loves you.

I came across a phrase. 'You read me like a book. I feel naked in your presence'.

Do you ever have a friend whom you only know for less than three years and he/she understands you from your inside out? I do and I'm glad someone actually does. And cares. Thank you to that someone.

Kay, it's ten and I'm turning in soon. Night.

2009-06-13T10:58:00.000+08:00

Outcome of Medel's 'agreement' on taking pictures with me.

Gosh. I think I'm suffering from insomia. Seriously. I can like wake up after like two hours of sleep and can't turn back in for what seems like zillion years.

Howwwwwwwwww. Ugh. Good morning anyway.

Feeling really gloomy. Just like what the weather is currently now. Goodbye.

2009-06-11T15:41:00.000+08:00

Kay kay, I know it's very dumb of me to actually start blogging again.

Medel is besides me now, we are heading to the gym later on. Past weeks were hectic for me, for Medel too I supposed. Aiyer, talk about abnegation challenged feelings. It sucks. They suck.

Wahlao, June holidays are coming to an end. I ain't even prepared for my upcoming preliminary examination. Yet. And when I'm worried and vexed about it, here comes migraine. Deary will be startled by my seems-like-drugs-addict action then. Haha. I miss him though.

Shucks, I've got barely six hours of sleep. One random thing, I love cheese. Bought one box filled with cubes of them earlier on. It's tasty! And like hello, I need to start growing tall now. Yessy tall, hell tall.

Fion was talking me about life while she was doing my facial for my yesterday and what she said really caught me thinking. Sort of awaken me too. Thanks though. Oh yeah, she was telling me about New Zealand and gosh, I want to go. I wanna try the 43 storeys high bungee jumping. Hee hee, can't imagine my 'bloated, filled with air cheeks in my mouth' expression while flying down. Aiyer, I just want to leave Singapore for a few days. At least I can ignore those struggles in my life now.

And before I end,

Meeting becsweety tomorrow!

2009-06-11T11:54:00.001+08:00

Struggles